Posts Tagged ‘frustration’

A rant

Why not? I mean this blog is really for me; cheap therapy so to speak.

Frustrated, yes that’s the word. I’ve been working on Ilythra/TriuneStones for about 5 years now. Okay, maybe more off than on as I’ve been mainly editing my SO’s books–with some success mind you. But for the last year, I’ve been working hard on Awakening, the first book in the quartet. It’s much better than it was but apparently not good enough to tweak the interest of the publishing world; 50 rejections and counting. Is that what frustrates me? Yes and no.

The fact of the matter is that I’ve been editing for the past 3 years, my work and SO’s work. Just editing, not writing. We did a major edit when I realized the dual world devise didn’t work. Another, smaller edit of the complete manuscript to add more ‘magic’. Now I feel like my life’s work is this one character, this one world and I need to break the cycle. I need to write someone, somewhere new. That means giving up on Ilythra, at least for awhile.

When I tried, read tried, to explain this to my SO, and my writing partner, he gave the usual encouragement, it’s a good book, it’s well written. And he’s right, it is. But does that really matter when it’s not selling? I asked him how long are we going to try to sell this concept. And he answers until it sells. Sounds good, loyal and diligent and he is all of those things. I say 50 agents have rejected it and he says he sent his manuscript to over 100. After having had an agent without fantasy contacts, I have been a bit more particular in the agents I’ve queried, it’s true and giving up is not my thing but really how long until putting it down doesn’t inspire guilt (coupled with the guilt SO lays on even unintentionally because he’s worked as hard on this book as I have on his) But I don’t think changing the POV on page 200 or rewriting a conversation on page 59 is going to change an agents mind. I don’t think rewriting the fucking query for the 50th time will do it either. Worse, strangely enough, I feel like I’ve let my characters down, who I happen to like very much. I’ve tightened and tightened the plot, dialog and narrative until its going to explode, or I am. I tried to explain to him, my SO, that I’m chasing my tail. I need to put it down because I need to write because there is a world of difference between editing words on paper and putting words on paper and let’s face it, I’m out of practice. I don’t feel like a writer anymore, I feel like an editor. And I’m having a damn hard time getting started. I used to be a 5000word/day writer. I’m averaging 500. Granted I have a 3yo who has suddenly decided she doesn’t like to be alone but still… It’s hard to explain because he has an agent and has sold two books, but that’s not it, he has more than 20 book ideas nicely plot pointed and waiting to be written. All he has to do is pick one… I’m a one book wonder, okay fine, my one book turned into four but still.

Argh, 4D is exhibiting her new fear of being alone for more that10 minutes, writing time is up.

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